I don’t need your closure…

It’s no secret that I’ve been repeatedly listening to The Tortured Poets Department since its release. Throughout the album, I couldn’t help but notice themes of closure, making peace with the versions of ourselves we had to be in the face of adversity, and healing beyond the toxicity of some relationships. It got me thinking…

Closure. What does that even mean? Everyone has a different definition of what it is and what it is supposed to look like. Its meaning changes depending on the context, and healing through it requires a concoction as unique as our relationships.

For me, listening to this album represents someone reflective of past mistakes with lovers and unhealthy relationships but also someone who wants to close those chapters of their life; they’ve learned and are ready to start embracing a new era if you will. 

In my experience, closure rarely comes as you wish it to. It often requires emotional work and making peace with the reality of the situation as it is—radical acceptance. We may never get the apologies we feel we are owed, and conversely, we may never have the opportunity to make amends for our wrongdoings. 

Suppose you have been in toxic relationships or grew up with a family that consistently normalized crossing boundaries and disrespect. In that case, many often feel like they need an explanation for the violation. Something that will help them understand why things played out as they did. The why keeps us stuck.

We may also find ourselves trapped in the thoughts of all of the ways we can repair a situation or we may dwell on what life would have been like if x,y,z happened instead. 

The truth is, the disrespect was the closure. The betrayal was the closure. Your hurt feelings and experiences were the closure. We don’t need to keep ourselves involved in emotional entanglements just to wait for an apology that may never come. We may never get the opportunity to explain our side of an issue and talk things out how we’d hoped.

All we can do is accept what happened, learn the lesson and integrate it in our future actions, and move forward.

I’ve learned to create closure by giving myself space to feel and express my thoughts and emotions about the person, situation, or challenge I am having. It often involves dance parties, writing, release exercises, music, and self-reflection. More on that soon…

All the best, 

Alicia