Thank you, Bali!

One thing you need to know about me is that I LOVE to travel! Experiencing other cultures, food, historic landmarks, and taking in the beautiful landscape; I want to absorb it all! So when Amanda Fludd (founder of Kensho Psychotherapy, TherapyisDope®, and @amanda.fludd on Instagram) invited me to speak at her  Renew, Connect, Restore Retreat for Women of Color, there was no way I was going to miss it.

This year happened to be located in Bali, Indonesia. I was over the moon ecstatic to share my emotional release work and to have the opportunity to travel to one of my bucket list destinations! 

This year, I turned 35 and was excited to use my trip to Bali as a way to treat myself for the hard work I have put into unlearning unhealthy patterns, growing beyond toxic and abusive relationships, learning about myself, and becoming more “me” than I have ever been. 

My goals were simple, release the weight of emotional baggage I had accrued during the year and release the old versions of myself that no longer existed to be ready for my next chapter. I couldn’t wait to take in the land's beauty and dive into the culture.  I knew that this trip would change me for the better, but I had no idea just how much Bali would deeply impact me.

Bali is even more beautiful than I imagined, it is hard to explain the beauty of the lush landscape, stunning beaches, and breathtaking mountain tops (including the volcanoes); It needs to be experienced. The people are warm, friendly, and kind and have a deeply spiritual way of life that resonated with me and how I want to live my life going forward. It is a really beautiful place to be. 

When I landed I could feel the good, positive energy that emanated out of everything. It’s truly difficult to capture the entire experience of Bali. It set the tone for the trip and it was an energy that never waned. Bali is magical. 

In between the retreat workshops, we had the opportunity to experience various religious and cultural sights. Amanda surprised us with a photoshoot with all of us dressed in traditional Balinese dress and a Balinese dance lesson! Fun fact, Bali has a mixture of Hindu and Buddhist influences. I was obsessed with the doors, many were so ornate. It was hard not to take in all of the beauty in everything. As you walk down the street in the morning, you can find almost every single shop or business setting up their gratitude offerings. It’s hard not to see the intentionality used in every aspect of daily life.

Emotional release work has become a passion of mine in recent years. There are many ways to do this work, but I have a routine/ritual that works for me. The main focus for me is the intentionality behind the work you are going to do. You must be intentional with every step of the process. What we often don’t realize as we go about our daily lives is that our experiences, thoughts, etc. pile up (as much as we think we have worked through things) and it’s important to take the time to acknowledge each event and  release all of the pain, thoughts, and emotions associated. When we release the old, we are able to allow the new to enter into our lives without much interference from the past. It shifts us and our perspective. 

It’s difficult to not be inherently changed by Bali. I swear there is something in the air that makes one rethink how they want to live going forward and forgive themselves and others for the past. Maybe it was just me, but I know the same sentiment was shared by the other women at the retreat. Amanda did a wonderful job of planning excursions that helped further our emotional exploration and release. 

Perhaps the most powerful experience came from our time spent at the Tirta Empul Temple which is regarded as a holy spring. The entire visit was wonderful from start to finish. Each step along the way had a particular process that was intentional and meaningful. We had to wear traditional sarongs on the temple grounds and when participating in the water purification ritual, we had to wear the ceremonial dress to prepare ourselves to receive the ritual.

There were prayers and gratitude given before even entering into the temple space. The Melukat, purification ritual, was powerful. Each fountain felt as though it had a different energy (the way the water poured, the intensity of the water, etc.) and there were different tasks to perform at each fountain. Some were for releasing and some for welcoming gratitude (there is way more to this than I am able to explain at the moment, but it was very powerful to experience). 

As I went along in the process, forgiving myself and others, and releasing old emotional baggage, I felt lighter. It came to a point where all I could express was gratitude and love for my experiences. So powerful, so hard to fully explain. I left the experience feeling so wonderfully fulfilled, at peace, and grateful for my life. 

Throughout the trip, I kept talking about how each day was more fulfilling than the one before it. Every day was this emotionally fulfilling experience and it kept getting better and better. Amanda surprised us all with a wonderful sound bath session. It was so relaxing and it helped me further enter a state of emotional release. When the session was done, I felt like a new person, a little tired, but also energized for the new. Again, hard to describe. 

Later in the week, we were surprised again with an incredible flower bath which was infused with essential oils and blessings. I was extra lucky to have two snails in my bath which were not originally a part of the plan. Looking up the spiritual meaning of snails helped me embrace sharing my sacred space.

Throughout the entirety of the trip, I learned a lot about myself and how I want to be moving forward. There were many times that I had no choice but to lean into my fears in order to experience something wonderful. The best example of this came from my desire to have beautiful pictures from the Tegalalang Rice Terrace and Swing. Everyone looked so beautiful and elegant in their dresses with long trains, I too wanted to feel beautiful and have pictures to show. What I didn’t realize was actually how high up we were. Your girl is TERRIFIED of heights. 

The scenery is beautiful with the cliff overlooking the rice paddies in the valley! The first set of pictures was just me sitting on a tree stump at the edge of the cliff, effectively dipping my toe into my fear of heights while feeling in control and safe. The second set of pictures had me up in a “nest” of sorts between two trees. I had to climb a ladder to get up; internally, I was screaming and crying. I barely moved for fear of falling and I hardly smiled; I was focused on breathing and calming my nervous system. 

And finally, the swing. For some reason, I thought that since I love swings, the height wouldn't bother me. I was wrong. Once I sat in the swing, the realization of my choices sank in and I realized that in a few seconds, I would be swinging over the edge of a cliff with a very long drop.

You can see my fear and hesitation in the pictures and video. I remember taking in a deep breath, closing my eyes, and hearing a voice that said, let go. I did. I was still scared, but I continued breathing, definitely screamed, but I did it. I am so proud of myself. Letting go has always been hard for me. But I let go mentally and physically in that space. 

This was a trip of a lifetime, I learned so much about myself, made new friends, released old baggage and found gratitude for all of the choices I have made in my life that have led me to this moment. I cried during one meditation session before our morning workshops because it hit me that I am genuinely happy and love who I am becoming. It’s such an amazing feeling. 

It’s safe to say that my mission going into this trip was accomplished and I left Bali with a full emotional cup and a passionate fire and openness for all of the good that is to come.

Thank you, Bali ♡ 

Alicia